“because you expressed your hurt feelings and weren’t taken seriously, you learned to value yourself a little less, deny your own feelings, and develop a sense of guilt whenever you stand up for yourself instead of giving in to others.”

Instead of seeing yourself as full of character defects, you gain clarity on the big picture: My parents did that because they learned from their own imperfect parents; their behavior was not a reflection of my intrinsic self-worth. You see the development of your own patterns, referring to them as traits or character defenses that no longer serving you rather than character defects.

Aim to understand thy self

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"Our stories disclose in a general way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it—then you are ready to take certain steps."


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the narcissism vs self-esteem reminds me of the I'm ok you're ok book.

By the way, i did a reverse image lookup of that fig 5.1 and cannot find it. Is it from some research paper?

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